Tuesday, May 23, 2017

No, I Won't Stop Complaining About This!

I remember a time when the Fantastic Four were known as Marvel's "First Family." Indeed, Marvel themselves likes to trumpet it:

Even today, you can Google "Marvel's First Family," and Google has no hestitation in declaring who it is:

And yet, even though we're far past the (abominable) movie that Marvel supposedly didn't want to give free publicity to, even though there's absolutely no sane reason to keep them off the table, Marvel still manages to insult us, like this:

Or this:

Hmm, who's missing here?


It's been more than two full years, Marvel. Bring 'em back.

Just bring 'em back.

Please?

Superman--Straight Up Playa!!

Poor Lana and Lois...

...you never had a chance, did you?

BTW, in case you think it's weird that so many humans would have a double in Kandor, what with the Kryptonians being an alien species and all, well...



See, apparently the Kandorians are plotting to take over Metropolis once they're enlarged!!

BTW...Sylvia?!? Everyone else has a nice, standard, hyphenated Kryptonian name...and then there's Sylvia! What gives?

From Lois Lane #78 (1967)

Monday, May 22, 2017

Manic Monday Triple Overtime--The Myth of Fingerprints!!

It's Monday Morning Crime Time!!

What, he couldn't have worn gloves...?

Calhoun has done the crime, but he doesn't want to do the time!!

 If there's just one thing you should learn if you've read enough horror/crime/horror-crime comics, it's this:

Never rush the scientist whose experiments aren't ready yet!!




OK, so that experiment really wasn't ready for prime time yet...

At least they won't match Calhoun to his fingerprints now!!

Happy Monday!!

From Lawbreakers Suspense Stories #15 (1953)

Manic Monday Bonus--Venus, Goddess Of Magazine Editing!!

Poor Venus is bored stiff on her dreary old home on Venus:

So, she wishes herself to Earth, and because comics, she quickly becomes the cover girl--and editor!!--of the beauty magazine Beauty Magazine. Hmm, OK...

But soon enough, there's a problem!






Well, Venus has the solution, and takes a quick jaunt back to Venus!






So she takes them back to Earth, and...



And so...



Victory!!


You see, the gods of olden days live again--as magazine editors!!

From Venus #1 (1948)

Manic Monday--Surprising Hitchcock Didn't Use This In North By Northwest!!

Apparently, they've been cropping the postcards all these years:

You'll be pleased to know that this actually does appear in a story inside the comics (except for the witch's head--that would just be silly).

From The Witching Hour #84 (1978), cover by Luis Dominguez

Sunday, May 21, 2017

Tabu And The Sixth Sense!!

Fletcher Hanks was straight up nuts. Gloriously so!

Jungle man Tabu once saved the life of a hermit witch doctor. As a reward:

Great! Tabu can see dead people now? Guess the symbols on playing cards?

Ha ha, that would be silly. No, Tabu can do amazing things now, like...



I could almost buy that--an extra sense (maybe like Daredevil's radar sense, perhaps) that lets him "sense" the lay of the land, and avoid obstacles and threats and stuff.

Ah, but the "sixth sense" is so much more than that!!



OK, I don't think you can credit those abilities to any "sense."

Still:

Well, this is a Fletcher Hanks story, so whether it's set in the jungle or outer space, you know it's going to ultimately be about over-the-top and insane vengeance against the bad guys.

When Tabu finds a village destroyed by "slave raiders," he uses his powers to mercilessly torment them. And when he finally confronts the in person?


OK, that is not a "sixth sense"!!



What. The. Frak?!?





JUSTICE!!

The witch doctor is so impressed, that...

A seventh sense?!?!?! Holy crap, what can that do?!?!?

We never found out what Hanks might have intended for a seventh sense, as he only did the first Tabu story before movie on to the even more insane Fantomah strip.

Tabu continued under other hands for well over 100 issues, his powers waxing on waning on the writers' whim. His origin was retconned to need a dead jungle wizard's magic cloak to have his powers (SPOILER ALERT: he loses the cloak A LOT in those stories!).

And of course, no one ever made Tabu's stories as hardcore demented as Fletcher Hanks.

From Jungle Comics #1 (1940)